India would be a sadder place if filmi song lyrics start making sense. And if melodies become original. Bollywood music, in general, is best when hopeless because…
1. If it gets better, how will I show off my signature epileptic dance that is performed best to the tunes of 'Aunty police bulalegi' and 'Saree ke fall sa' in the baraat of a big fat Punjabi wedding?
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2. Listening to Mika Singh singing ‘Gandi baat…gandi gandi gandi gandi gandi baat’ on loop in a dimly lit room sends me on a high like no other drug can.
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3. It allows me to express my annual fanatic devotion to God during festivals, through holy rituals like 'Dance-To-Vulgar-Item-Songs-On-The-Streets-Like-A-Maniac' and 'Play-Music-That-Blasts-Neighbours'-Eardrums'.
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4. It's the most potent remedy for post-break-up blues.
PS: Do not underestimate the therapeutic value of Arijit Singh's plaintive vocals in 'Tum hi ho'.
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5. How else would we ensure our kids do humara naam roshan in front of the visiting neighbours? 'Chintu beta, aunty ko 'Character dheela' par dance karke dikhaao.' Sounds familiar?
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6. In the pre-Internet (and pre free porn) days, Bollywood songs like 'Sarkaile khatiya' and ‘Rukmini rukmini’ helped me beat off with nirvanic results, every single time. They still do.
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7. If it gets better, then brave and Grammy-deserving superstars like Yo Yo Honey Singh wouldn't have the creative liberty in this time of widespread cinematic censorship to whip up classics like 'Lungi dance', 'Aata majhi satakli' for us to enjoy and our children to cherish.
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